FF8: Condensed
by Reverie the Nightengale
Summary: Readers Digest condensed movies. They sum it all up in one sit, sometimes while your bored, and whatnot. Well, this is my version of FF8 condensed. ^^ Read, enjoy, and review.


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Final Fantasy VIII Condensed Game Version

Don't mind me, I'm just summing up the game! ^^

"I'll be here..." 

"Why?" 

"I'll be waiting....here" 

"Why?" 

"I'll be waiting for you....." 

"Are you even listening to me?" 

"...so if you come here..." 

"Hellooo?" 

"You'll find me...I promise." 

"WHY!?!" 

"Crap Rinoa, I'm just trying to sound romantic!" 

*Squall and Seifer fighting*: 

Seifer: What do you think of this scar that I just gave you? 

Squall: That's not a scar, THIS is a scar! *slashes Seifer* 

Seifer: Wow...nice work. Hey, let's be scar buddies! 

Squall: Cool! 

Quistis: You guys have to go to Dollet with Zell, where you will fight random soldiers and an ugly

looking monster. 

Squall: Good God, NOOOOO!!! 

Quistis: They're not that hard to fight. 

Squall: Not the monsters, I have to go with Zell, ARRRGH!! 

*they go to Dollet, but the plan gets botched and they have to make a retreat for some reason and Squall

almost gets killed by a machine thiggie but that's okay, because good ol' Quisty comes and blasts the 

bastard to a million pieces*

Cid: Zell, Selphie, Squall, and...whoever you are.... 

Nida: Nida...SIR! 

Cid: Whatever...you're SeeDs. Now let's PARTY! 

Seifer: Waaaah I'm not a SeeD! 

Rinoa: You're the best looking guy here...I see in the constellations that you shall save my life

three times and fall madly in love with me when I'm in a coma. 

Squall: So....what are you saying? 

Rinoa: Dance with me. 

Squall: Do I really have a choice? 

Rinoa: DANCE WITH ME! NOWWWW! 

Squall: Yikes....you're scary....I think I am falling for you. 

*they dance, but then Squall gets dumped by the girl he never even knew, only to find out that he, Selphie and Zell have to go onto a SeeD mission the next day*

*Selphie sings*: Train, train, take us away, take us away far away....to the future we will go....

Zell: Selphie, could you just shut the hell up?!

Squall: Whatever....

Selphie: Booyaka, I think I'm sleepy.

Squall: Good, knock her out for god's sake and maybe that'll shut her up....damn, her singing sucks!

Selphie: I resent that! *falls asleep*

Zell: Wow, that sleeping gas is really contagious.... *falls asleep*

Squall: Whatever.... *falls asleep*

*they go into a dream sequence with three lost dorks running through the forest*

Laguna: Hey, where the heck are we?

Kiros: Don't tell me we're lost again!

Ward: ....

*they get out of the forest, go to Deling City and yadda yadda yadda*

*when the other party of dorks wake up, [Squall, Selphie, and Zell] they talk some more*

Selphie: I had a nice dream....

Squall: I had a dream, it wasn't nice though....I dreamt that I was a moron....

Zell: You don't have to dream to be that!

Squall: What's THAT supposed 'ta mean?!

Zell: You know PERFECTLY what it meant!

Squall: BRING IT ON!

Selphie: Hey, forget about that, we're at Timber!

*the train stops at Timber*

Watts: My, the forests of Timber sure have-

Zell: Who the hell cares?

Watts: Close enough. Follow me.

*they follow Watts and head for another train, little to find out that Rinoa is also on there, as a leader 

of the Forest Owls Galbadia resistance*

Rinoa: Hey, do I know you? *squints*

Squall: Maybe.

Rinoa: Okay. Here is a briefing about the mission.

Selphie: We were here for a mission? I thought we were on vacation!

*Then they head for Galbadia Garden, and get Irvine in their party for another stupid mission. When 

Squall lets Irvine choose the party, he chooses Rinoa and Selphie*

Irvine: How's this?

Squall: Whatever. Have fun.

Rinoa: Are you serious? Fine then, I will!

Selphie: Me too.

*they both hug on Irvine's arms*

Selphie: Irvy Kennepooooooo!

Irvine: Ladies, shall we? *walks off, leaving Quistis and Zell behind*

Quistis: Is this supposed to mean something? Why didn't he choose me?

General Caraway: You have to kill Edea the evil sorceress, which would have to be another mission.

Selphie: WHAT?! Another mission? But we were just on one!

General Caraway: You have another one, then.

Zell: NOOOOOOOOO!

Irvine: I'm here to shoot her. *shoots*

Edea: You missed me, naaaah naaaah! HAHHAHA! 

Squall: Taste cold steel evil sorceress! 

Edea: Here, have a stick of ice through your heart. 

Squall: Ow. Now please insert disk 2. 

Seifer: *prods Squall a bit* 

Squall: Please don't hurt me, I don't want to die waaaaahhh! 

Seifer: That's okay, I'm going to go somewhere unknown now and leave you in the hands of this

weak soldier, feel free to escape while I'm gone. 

Squall: Okay! *escapes* 

Cid: Squall, missiles are heading towards Garden. I want you all to think happy thoughts and

make this Garden fly out of here! 

Everyone: Okay! 

Rinoa: *chanting* Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens... 

Squall: Wow, Garden is flying! Nice work Rinoa. 

Rinoa: Let's head for the balcony, I want a gratuitous FMV scene of my lovely self in the wind. 

Squall: Cool! 

Irvine: Hey everyone, how ya doin'? 

Selphie: Booyaka! 

Irvine: Oh by the way, we're all from the same orphanage years ago, and Edea is our Matron. 

Everyone: Awww, how nice. *has warm fuzzy feeling* 

Nida: Hey, look! Its Galbadia Garden!

Squall: Huh?

*gives him the binoculars*

Squall: Oh, so?

Nida: Hey, there's our enemy.

Squall: They are?

Irvine: Hey! I'm from Galbadia!

Quistis: Then we don't like you anymore.

Irvine: I'm always the odd man out.... *cries*

Nida: So do we attack them?

Squall: Why not?

Nida: Cool. I get to pilot. So I have an actual use in this game after all. SCORE!

*they fight an awesome battle from the Galbadians, fight Edea, and then Rinoa goes to sleep*

Squall: Rinoa? Hellooo....Earth to Rinoa! 

Dr. Kadowaki: Dude, she's in a coma! 

Squall: Oh, well I'll take her for a walk. 

*takes Rinoa and bumps into Edea* 

Edea: My children...I am myself again, I was just possessed by a sorceress of the future named Ultimecia. 

Squall: Really? Fascinating. Let's all go out to space. 

Rinoa: Huh? Did you say space? I always wanted to go into space! 

Squall: Hey you're awake again...!

*hugs Rinoa in the kewl FMV*

Squall: And while we're at it, why don't we just go to space just for fun to get a new airship?

Rinoa: Kewl. *floats* Weeeeeee.....

Irvine: Where are my pants?

Laguna: Welcome to Esthar, I'm President Laguna, you may have seen me from "Shy, Dopey Guy

With Leg Cramps" or "Shy Dopey Guy Who Accidentally Falls Off Cliff" or "Dopey Shy Guy With

Gorgeous Sexy Looks Dopey Shy Guy But, DAMN I Am One Big Stud!" La la la....What was I on about? 

Squall: You're an idiot....I think I'll kill you. 

Laguna: No....Squall...I am....your father. 

Squall: That's it, now I WILL kill you! 

Laguna: Wait....look, Squall card....I have Squall card....here. 

Squall: HEY COOL! It's meeee, on a card! Okay, I forgive you father. 

Laguna: Okay, we have-yet-another lousy mission.

*Selphie cries*: DON'T WE EVER GET A VACATION?!

Rinoa: Now until the end of the game.

Selphie: DAMN!

Laguna: .... .... .... ....Anyway! You have to save Ellone.

Squall: Why?

Laguna: Because I said so.

Squall: Good enough for me, father.

Irvine: Ah, I found my pants!

Selphie: Finally!

Quistis: So where do we go?

Laguna: The Lunatic Pandora.

Squall: Where the heck is that?!

*Laguna scratches the back of his head*: Uh, I'm still working on that.

Squall: Oh, okay, lets go take our new airship out for a little test drive, then!

Selphie: YAY!

*they take it out for a drive and then run into the Lunatic Pandora*

Irvine: So much for your vacation.

Selphie: NOOOOO!

Laguna: Oh, and while we're at it, lets go and defeat the evil sorceress of the future, Ultimecia.

Squall: Why?

Laguna: Just for fun.

Squall: Good enough for me.

*Selphie Singing*: Time compression time compression....take us away....far away...to the future

here we are! 

*Everyone plugs their ears*: NOOOOO! NOT THE SINGING AGAIN!

Ultimecia: I am Ulti....

Squall: There she is! RENZOKUKEN!! 

Ultimecia: AHH I'm not finished yet! 

Squall: Hurry up and die. 

Ultimecia: I'm not going to die until I finish what I say. 

Irvine: Yadda yadda!

Ultimecia: Time....shall compress....it shall not.... 

Zell: Just shut up. No one cares you know.

Squall: What?! YOUR still here?!

Zell: I have been here for a very long time, Squally Boy.

Quistis: Shows how observant YOU are! You're not my best student anymore!

Squall: I was your best student? 

Ultimecia: Think of your emotions....you're.... 

Squall: RENZOKUKEN!! BLASTING ZONE!! LION HEART!! HADOKEN!! 

Ryu: Hey that's my line! 

Squall: Oh...sorry I got carried away.

Ultimecia: Fine then, if you want me to die so badly, then I'll just blow up myself.

Everyone: YAY! *sings* Ding dong the sorceress is dead, the sorceress, the wicked sorceress!

*everyone but Squall for some reason is in the realm of the white background*

Irvine: Hey, I'm ready for my close-up....oh, crap! Here I go.... *clear throat* Is it over?

Rinoa: No, wait! Where is Squall?

Zell: Who cares? I'm going!

Selphie: Me too. Wee! Look at me jump from one place to another! Where are my legs? General....

I can't....I can't feel my legs....Oh, there they are!

Quistis: What is up with all this white stuff?

Rinoa: Hey, Squall STILL isn't with us anymore! Where the hell is he?!

Zell: Beets me....Whoops! I'm gone!

Selphie: Booyaka! There I go.

Quistis: Don't fall into a time warp.

Rinoa: H-Hey, guys, Squall is....kindda....not....here anymore....

Quistis: Where is my mind? ARGH! I'm in class at the Garden again....damn those morons....

Irvine: Bang! I'm gone!

Rinoa: Great, some friends YOU guys are!

*Rinoa starts to run funny with her arms wide open for some reason, as though Squall was going to magically appear*

Rinoa: I am going to go to the place where we promised!

*runs more in that funny way, and then goes to the pretty place where her and Squall promised*

Rinoa: Hey, he's still not here, dammit! Where the hell is he?! He's late! I wonder if I have been stood up?

*meanwhile, Squall has been running around in darkness while Rinoa runs into a little pretty flower field, little enough to say that she thinks her "hero" will be there*

Squall: Hey...now I'm lost in time compression. Rinoa? Irvine? Selphie? Quistis? Zell? 

*runs around more, sees the past, and is now on a little desert plain in the middle of time. He walks around clueless*

*sees feather, strange visions* 

Squall: NOOOOO!! *passes out* 

("Drinks on Me" begins playing)

"So darling there you are...passed out on the floor... " 

*weird music plays as Rinoa makes her scene into the desert somehow...*

Rinoa: *slaps Squall* Good God, pull yourself together Squall! Hello? Wakey-Wakey! 

( Messed Up Lyrics From "Eyes on Me" )

"If frown is shown then, I will know that you are no creamer...." 

Squall: Zzzzzzz....Mom not now... I'm...sleeping...zzzzzzz *drools* 

*meanwhile, Laguna has been fantasizing about his long lost DEAD love*

Laguna: Wow! Raine? I thought you were dead!

Ellone: Dude, she is dead.

Laguna: Really? She is? No wonder....

Ellone: Hi-Hi Uncle Laguna Man!

Laguna: What? Where did you come from....and I'm your Uncle? I never knew that....

Ellone: Who cares? Ohhh! Lookie at the Garden!

*the two look up at the pretty Garden flying in the sky. OooOooOooOooOoo!*

*back at Balamb*

Cid: Seifer, you have been found guilty on the accounts of kidnap, threatening innocent lives, 

supporting the sorceress....and....eating the last of the hotdogs. You are therefore sentenced to

one year of fishing. 

Seifer: NOOOOO! 

The End.


End file.
